Have you ever driven down the street or walked down the stairs and suddenly caught a whiff of a familiar smell? Perhaps caught a movement from the corner of your eye that was insanely familiar? Or maybe a mannerism of a stranger that triggered memories of someone familiar?
I was driving on the road today morning when something similar happened to me. A car quite known to me. A silhouette inside that resembled someone I knew. My first instinct, I immediately grinned wide and waved. The reaction from the silhouette? An awkward,
lop – sided smile, aimed more toward not wanting to disappoint me than embarrass me. For you know how car models go? Each one looks the same, until you catch a glimpse of the number plate! And so there I was, driving ahead, biting my tongue at my impromptu wave.
As the embarrassment died down, something else surfaced. The feeling of WHY my hand so instinctively waved in recognition. For it was, or at least it seemed to be, someone I once knew. Not just knew, to be honest; someone I was once friends with.
Why do we stop being friends with certain people in our life? Is it really possible to completely forget someone? To hit Shift + Delete so casually and format all the memories of the good times spent together?
I have been fortunate enough to still have friends I’ve known from my childhood days. The numbers are low, luckily the relations are strong. But, I have been equally unfortunate in losing some friends along the way.
There was a lot of heartache as I learnt to suppress those good times and create new ones with new people. There was a lot of adjustment in my life (and in my phone book too!) as I tried hard to scroll past them.
Eventually I got there. To the other side.
To a life that no longer included them.
But today, that instinctive wave made me think….had I really moved on? Because if I have, why is it that on certain days, I miss that friend who always knew how to cheer me up? Why do I sigh with a twinge of regret each time something exciting occurs and my mind forces itself to skip a name I would rather be sharing it with? Why do I feel my heart break all over again when I see a particular friend creating memories without me?
Perhaps because that is how life goes on. But then, I cannot help but wonder about the efforts and the love that went into building that particular friendship; which did not eventually withstand the storm of the years. Can you really and truly forget someone you once knew so well?
I recently saw a web series which featured an episode about past relationships. The scene went something like this….the protagonists (a married couple) open up about past relationships and hold dear a particular gift each that they have never been able to get rid off. They plan to return it but eventually, wonder if they really should. For that broken, worn down, now colourless gift is a souvenir of those once – colourful times. And although useless now, the gift was and never will be meaningless.
And so, I think is the same with forgotten and lost friendships. That the freshness died down along the journey, and we drifted apart. But the waft of times spent together will always revive a feeling of warmth.
And while it may not revive the actual friendship, it will never fail to bring a smile to my face. Because if I cannot have it now, I am glad I had it then.
