Twenty…Oh, Nein!

Birthdays have always been something of a big deal for me, be it others or mine….but especially mine! I feel thrilled about the fact that it is YOUR day; a day when people express unsaid feelings, show appreciation for all those other times taken for granted, and make time to meet you no matter how packed their schedule.

I enjoy the fact that longer text messages are typed and phone calls are especially made, just for you. Technically, it is just another day…and so it was supposed to begin for me too. But as the clock inched closer to midnight, I couldn’t help but feel certain expectations rise within me.

What would the day bring for me? Would I see my family; be able to spend quality time with them? Would my friends surprise me in any way? On a day so predominantly termed a Diwali special day, would it be possible to squeeze a little bit of birthday time for myself?

And while the wave of thoughts and emotions drove me almost queasy, the ringing of the doorbell interrupted my train of thought. Just as I collected myself, a familiar head popped through. And for the next 30 seconds, several familiar faces walked in through the door. It seemed like a random collection of people, it was too; but as I looked around, my heart grew full. For here were some of the people I hold most close, sleepy – eyed but gathered here for me.

But life has this funny way of throwing you off track. While my heart was filled with happiness, my mind couldn’t help but point out those missing. And despite the love showered upon me at that ungodly hour by my nearest and dearest, a niggling feeling kept me awake until the wee hours of the morning.

The day suddenly felt just like another day…and I struggled to find joy in the little things that made it special. Usually, it is something that comes easily to me. Today though, through all the relaxed, long overdue chats at home with friends or a simple, thoughtful gift from the husband or even a royal lunch with the family, I kept thinking of those ‘who forgot me’.

As the day wore on, the realisation suddenly hit me. I was disappointed! And I had let that feeling overpower all the other wonderful moments that had formed my day….As the shock sunk in, I hit the Reset button in my mind. Here was a day that I eagerly awaited for an entire year. Was I really going to let it all go, just because someone didn’t make time for me? Was I not going to be thankful for those souls who reminded me of how much I’d touched their lives just because the ‘expected few’ couldn’t bring themselves to type out more than a plain Happy Birthday? Was I going to grudgingly smile at thoughtful gifts from unexpected sources just because a certain gift never found its way to me?

All of a sudden, I felt every bit of the 29 I’d been struggling to feel since the clock struck midnight. And a day I wanted so desperately to feel mine, suddenly found its extraordinariness in its mundaneness…

In the punctual midnight phone call that has rung without fail, for the last 20 years.

In the familiar faces that had gathered at midnight, without whom I cannot imagine a single day of my life.

In the unadulterated love of the niece whose smile transforms my day.

In the lazy morning in bed while the sun warmed my legs.

In the relaxed morning with friends that grew into the afternoon.

In the annual lunch with the family, reliving my growing up years.

In the expertly cooked dinner by the husband, just to give me a break from the kitchen.

In the experience of discovering old friends anew.

And in sipping hot coffee as the sky burst into fireworks, with my oldest friend beside me…

 

I was thinking last night, how and when it would feel to be 29. I guess this is how…

When you learn to value what you have, a lot more than what you don’t.

When you appreciate those who make time for you than those you wished would.

When scribbled notes mean much more to you than eloquently worded feelings.

When you’d rather have memories forever etched into your mind, than mourn not having clicked any pictures to mark the day.

And when you finally learn that a birthday is just another ordinary day yet special in its own unique way! All you gotta do is find its worth and remember to keep holding it close.

7 Replies to “Twenty…Oh, Nein!

  1. Shivani your flare for writing your inner most feelings with such simplicity amazes me. Bless u. As usual you hit the nail on the head

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